Week 8: Insert clever London pun here!

Vikings vs Browns.  Perhaps the first early morning game in the history of the Minnesota Vikings, this one kicks off at 8:30 central time, and many people probably won't even read this post before kickoff.

The Vikes can't blow a game against a winless team...right?  Right? 

Let's hope so.  This feels like a major trap game being overseas playing three and a half hours before the rest of the league.  The good news is, the Vikings shouldn't have nearly as much trouble finishing drives against the Browns as they did against the Ravens.  If the Vikes finish even one more drive in that game, it's a blowout.

Much like the last game, I expect the Vikings to win this one handily.  However, this team likes to make everything much harder than it ever has to be, so I would expect more of a grind like the Ravens game.

Whatever way the Vikings get to 6-2, I welcome.  I only pray for no more major injuries going into a bye week that shouldn't ruin the season like last year.  This team needs every win they can get right now, because the schedule gets tough with five road games in the final eight weeks to close out the season.

As always, Skol Vikings.

Week 7 (2): The "did Packer fans not watch Bountygate?" edition.

Yes, last week was actually week 6.  Oops. 

Before we move on to discussing Baltimore, the initial question is in the title of the post.  Plus, it's hard for me to have too much sympathy for a fanbase that has been spoiled rotten for the past 25 years on quarterback play and quarterback health.  Without Rodgers to fall back on, possibly for the rest of the season, we get to see how good of a coach Mike McCarthy really is.

Seriously though, Packer fans...unless he makes a miraculous recovery, welcome to the world of practically every other NFL team that doesn't have a potential Hall of Fame quarterback to lead them.  Quarterback injuries happen; you've just been extremely lucky to avoid significant ones in most years.  Vikings fans felt their world come to a crashing halt when Teddy Bridgewater went down to a non-contact injury right before the season last year; there aren't many teams that are unluckier than us.

Anyway, onto Baltimore.  The Ravens at 3-3 are only a game worse than the Vikings, but they honestly don't scare me that much.  Not like the Packers pre-Rodgers-injury.  Also, the Bears beat them last week with a 113 yard performance from their rookie Mitchell Trubisky, which was by design.  Joe Flacco has been on the decline this season, and this is a very winnable game; though I know better than to guarantee anything as a Vikings fan.  Still, the Vikes should win this one as long as they stick to their fundamentals.

Teddy also came back to practice this week.  I think I'll be talking more about him in the coming weeks, though I doubt they'll rush him back to action unless Case Keenum starts to struggle. 

Then there's the London game next week with the Browns...more on that next week.  Here's hoping the next time this blog gets updated I'm talking about a 5-2 team.

 

Week 7: It's Packer Week! ...Yay?

Well, let’s dive right in. 

The Vikings enter the home portion of the 2017 Border Battle having endured about as much drama as a middle school theater club.  Despite feeling like half of the team is already on the Injured Reserve list, the Vikes are, in fact, over .500 at 3-2.

Were this any other week, I’d be thrilled at the prospect of a win, and 4-2 would look mighty fine after the way this season has begun for the purple and gold.  But, because of who we play, I am tempering my expectations as usual. 

The Packers are, again, winning games by the skin of their teeth this year.  This means that the Vikings, if they hope to win, need to control the clock and score the game-winning touchdown with virtually no time left in the fourth quarter.

We’ve got the defense to hold this team and this quarterback in check.  See last year, when the Vikings allowed just 14 points to Green Bay in the first-ever relevant game at USBank Stadium.  They’ve even done it at Lambeau Field, as evidenced in Week 17 of 2015, when they beat the Packers 20-13 after building a 17-point lead in the fourth quarter.

So really, this game could go either way.  Seeing as how the team is still relatively healthy, there’s a chance.  A couple of turnovers could turn the tide in our favor.  After I spent a week shouting up at the sky, asking God why he hates Vikings fans after Dalvin Cook got hurt, McKinnon and Murray looked pretty good on Monday night, especially after Case Keenum came into the game and the passing game opened up a little.

Keenum and the Vikings’ offense should feast on this defense, but the Packers might just be able to rely on Rodgers to get a win.  It’s what they’ve done for the past nine years, and I’m surprised his back hasn’t broken from all of the times he’s had to carry an otherwise mediocre team. 

Anyway, here’s hoping the Vikings can put up a wall in this Border Battle and take a step toward keeping the Packers from invading Minneapolis in February.

Week 1: Villainizing the Saints, or, Cooking Up Trouble in Prime Time!

I promised myself that I would not go off the rails and predict a Vikings Super Bowl win in the one we host next February.  If the Vikings have a good year, we will hear enough steam on the subject from other people.

With that said, Monday’s season-opening game against the Saints was a lot of fun to watch.  At long last, the Vikings got some measure of revenge on the team that Bountygated the crap out of Brett Favre seven years ago.  Adam Thielen and Stefon Diggs shredded admittedly one of the worst defenses in the NFL.  The really important part was that the Vikings kept one of the best offenses in the league from scoring the usual boatload of points they are known for.  Seriously, if the Saints had a defense that could rival a small college, watch out.  Considering they allegedly cheated to get their one and only Super Bowl, the fact that they have languished since 2014 despite an embarrassment of riches on offense is probably karma.

Many people would tell Vikings fans to slow their roll because playing such a horrendous defense is part of the reason 1-0 came surprisingly easy.  However, I say just enjoy the moment.  The Vikings are not known as the team that does the butt-kicking in prime time games, though they are 5-3 in such games since the loss to Arizona on Thursday Night Football in 2015.  Plus, for those who now hate Adrian Peterson, Monday’s game had to be especially satisfying as a certain rookie completely showed him up.

The true test comes against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday, who will have a much better defense chasing after Sam Bradford, Dalvin Cook, and the previously mentioned Thielen and Diggs.  Minnesota should know where its beloved warriors stand after Week 2.  All in all, if the offensive line can actually block all season, this offense should be fine. 

Week 17: ...we should all be used to this by now...

With apologies to Little Orphan Annie, it truly is a hard knock life for Vikings fans.

Ah, 2015.  David Bowie, Prince, Glenn Frey, and a bunch of other people were still alive, and the Vikings won the NFC North.  Good times, good times.

A year later, 8-8, over 9,000 injuries and a wasted opportunity to truly do something great is all we got.  Though let’s be honest, this season was stolen from Vikings fans.  Teddy Bridgewater falling down and destroying his knee was something that could only happen to the Vikings.  Sam Bradford was a good bandage, but somewhere down the line, it all fell apart and the Vikes could not stop the bleeding.

Despite all of that, the real reason it’s tough to be a Vikings fan is because…they did it.  As of this writing, the Green Bay Packers are division champions.  And unlike the Vikings last year, they’ll probably go on to win a fifth Super Bowl and we will never hear the end of it.  Admit it, fellow fans; you’re more upset about that than about the Vikings collapsing.  I think a lot of us would have forgiven a lost season if the Vikes could have knocked off Green Bay on Christmas and possibly kept them out of the playoffs.  But no, the Packers continue to increase the gap and get another year to make “empty trophy case” jokes.

And I don’t think the Vikings will ever catch up.  Indeed, as a wise man once said, "they have everything, we have nothing."

So farewell, 2016-17 season.  Maybe the draft will be good.  Perhaps the Vikings will find the missing pieces to do well next year.

Or, it could all turn to crap again because Winter Park was built over a sacred burial ground. 

At least the Vikings went 1-0 against the Packers in “our house” in 2016.  Of course, you know they’ll probably return the favor by winning the Super Bowl when we host it next February.    

Boy, it was fun when the Vikings were good last year and in the first five games this year.  How I yearn for those times to return again.  The silver lining is that there won’t be a Blair Walsh vs Seattle moment in this year’s postseason, and that’s about all we can be happy about. 

Ouch.

Well, we beat the Bears anyway.  Here's to 2017.  Maybe we'll be good?

For added effect, re-read this post with this video accompaniment...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-Xm7s9eGxU

       

Week 16: Hello Mr. Vikings fan, Merry bleeping Christmas!

Being a Vikings fan is absolutely maddening.  I know, breaking news, right?

The only thing more maddening than watching this team fizzle out in the clutch every single year is wondering how it happens so consistently.  Sports are a cycle.  Sure, some teams remain good for years by making the correct decisions, but even teams considered bad change something whether ownership or front office personnel or simply players and become good for a time.  

The Pittsburgh Steelers began their history as an awful, awful team, but things shifted for them around the 1970s and Franco Harris’s “Immaculate Reception” started a wave of success that continues to the present day, as the Steelers currently possess the most Super Bowl victories in the league.

A rich team history…the Vikings have that, but without the hardware to show for it. 

It’s not like the team does things any differently from any other team.  The Vikes build through the draft, having constructed a strong defense that should have been able to propel the team into the playoffs as division champions again.  The Vikings sign key free agents to provide veteran leadership and depth.  They drafted a franchise quarterback in Teddy Bridgewater in 2014 and got Adrian Peterson in 2007.

So why does this team continue to fold like a cheap suit when it gets anywhere near success?  The Vikings’ last trip to the Super Bowl predates every Star Wars movie ever made.  The team has only had four real chances to go back since (1987, 1998, 2000, 2009), and most of you reading this know how those turned out.

With the way sports tend to cycle from year to year, one figures the Vikings have to have their turn at some point.  Some of the most historically awful NFL teams (Buccaneers, Saints) put together good years and won it all.  No amount of embarrassment over a number of years could keep them from their one shining moment. 

My fellow Vikings fans must feel tortured at this moment because they can look around the NFL and see the exact same things their front office does working for other teams.  The Dallas Cowboys drafted Ezekiel Elliot, who looks like the next-generation Adrian Peterson and they are 12-2, best record in the NFC; something to which the Vikings also laid claim at one point in 2016.  Meanwhile, the Vikings wasted the prime of the actual Adrian Peterson.

The most egregious example of “they have everything and we have nothing” (despite the fact that both teams do things virtually the same way) arrives this week in the form of a Green Bay Packers team that, in a twist surely no one saw coming (/sarcasm), righted the ship after some horrible losses of their own.  Just in time for Christmas.  Oh joy.  Two teams going in completely different directions.

The Packers, of course, need no introduction to Vikings fans.  As the haughtier of Packer fans consistently remind the fans of “little brother,” they have the most combined old-school NFL Championships and Super Bowls of any team.  Titletown USA, they call it.

The Packers have a quarterback who has made a career out of roasting the Vikings defense like chestnuts on an open fire.  They drafted him the same year the Vikings drafted Troy (bleeping) Williamson, though in the Vikes’ defense, Daunte Culpepper was coming off of a career year.  Before Rodgers, there was Favre; a man we all loved to hate, but he would have been our favorite player ever if only he didn't play for that team.

On the other side, the Vikings’ record at drafting QBs is spotty at best.  Fran Tarkenton is a legend and Tommy Kramer, along with Culpepper, was pretty good.  But Tavaris Jackson sucked.  Finally, they got Teddy Bridgewater, only for his leg to practically fall off as he suffered the fluke injury to end all fluke injuries, putting his future in limbo.

In closing, being a Vikings fan is like watching your friend get the hot new toy for Christmas.  It looks awesome and you beg your parents to buy you one…only for yours to wind up being a defective pile of fecal matter that breaks in ten seconds.  Except in this case, no matter how many times your parents get it replaced, it just keeps happening and happening.  It’s like you aren’t allowed to have this one specific toy.

Just like the Vikings seemingly aren’t allowed to have the same kind of success as other teams by copying their model.

Vikings-Packers at Lambeau.  Christmas Eve at noon.  Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst.

(In the improbable event of a Vikings win, potentially taking Green Bay down with them, here is a link that will brag for you!)

Ohhohohohohohohohoho, Delicious!

Week 13: The "I'm done with predicting seasons forever" edition

Amazing how a run of bad luck can completely change one’s outlook on a season.

When this season started, I was so excited that the Vikings got to play on basically every major holiday; they were going to cause Halloween havoc against the Bears, they were going to have roast Lions alongside turkey for Thanksgiving, and best of all, they were going to give their fans a very merry Christmas Eve by potentially taking the Lambeau game for a second straight year.

Did any of that happen, and will any of it happen?  No and probably not.

I’m really starting to think Winter Park was built over some kind of sacred burial ground.  An injury list that would read like a V.I.P. guest list if the Vikings were nationally relevant and a starting quarterback who destroys his knee without even trying in one of the most fluke-ish ways imaginable.  

Every other team in the NFL makes finding a franchise quarterback look easy, except maybe Cleveland.  The Vikings finally get one, and wouldn’t you know it, he may never play again.  Darn the luck.

Chalk up tonight’s Dallas game as one that looked very exciting and even winnable when the season started.  Not anymore.  The Cowboys are a juggernaut this year.  They have found the next Adrian Peterson and Dak Prescott ain’t too shabby, either.  This wouldn’t be that big of a problem if the Vikings were still good.  But they aren’t.  How many more “save our season” games can the Vikings blow before there’s no more season left to save?

The only real hope is that this Vikings team has one more sucker punch left in them.  Indeed, with the way the NFL is, one punch could be all it takes, and we could be looking at an 11-5 team when the end of the season rolls around.

But then I remember this team is cursed.  Maybe it’ll lift when the Vikings move their operations to Eagan.