Week 16: Hello Mr. Vikings fan, Merry bleeping Christmas!

Being a Vikings fan is absolutely maddening.  I know, breaking news, right?

The only thing more maddening than watching this team fizzle out in the clutch every single year is wondering how it happens so consistently.  Sports are a cycle.  Sure, some teams remain good for years by making the correct decisions, but even teams considered bad change something whether ownership or front office personnel or simply players and become good for a time.  

The Pittsburgh Steelers began their history as an awful, awful team, but things shifted for them around the 1970s and Franco Harris’s “Immaculate Reception” started a wave of success that continues to the present day, as the Steelers currently possess the most Super Bowl victories in the league.

A rich team history…the Vikings have that, but without the hardware to show for it. 

It’s not like the team does things any differently from any other team.  The Vikes build through the draft, having constructed a strong defense that should have been able to propel the team into the playoffs as division champions again.  The Vikings sign key free agents to provide veteran leadership and depth.  They drafted a franchise quarterback in Teddy Bridgewater in 2014 and got Adrian Peterson in 2007.

So why does this team continue to fold like a cheap suit when it gets anywhere near success?  The Vikings’ last trip to the Super Bowl predates every Star Wars movie ever made.  The team has only had four real chances to go back since (1987, 1998, 2000, 2009), and most of you reading this know how those turned out.

With the way sports tend to cycle from year to year, one figures the Vikings have to have their turn at some point.  Some of the most historically awful NFL teams (Buccaneers, Saints) put together good years and won it all.  No amount of embarrassment over a number of years could keep them from their one shining moment. 

My fellow Vikings fans must feel tortured at this moment because they can look around the NFL and see the exact same things their front office does working for other teams.  The Dallas Cowboys drafted Ezekiel Elliot, who looks like the next-generation Adrian Peterson and they are 12-2, best record in the NFC; something to which the Vikings also laid claim at one point in 2016.  Meanwhile, the Vikings wasted the prime of the actual Adrian Peterson.

The most egregious example of “they have everything and we have nothing” (despite the fact that both teams do things virtually the same way) arrives this week in the form of a Green Bay Packers team that, in a twist surely no one saw coming (/sarcasm), righted the ship after some horrible losses of their own.  Just in time for Christmas.  Oh joy.  Two teams going in completely different directions.

The Packers, of course, need no introduction to Vikings fans.  As the haughtier of Packer fans consistently remind the fans of “little brother,” they have the most combined old-school NFL Championships and Super Bowls of any team.  Titletown USA, they call it.

The Packers have a quarterback who has made a career out of roasting the Vikings defense like chestnuts on an open fire.  They drafted him the same year the Vikings drafted Troy (bleeping) Williamson, though in the Vikes’ defense, Daunte Culpepper was coming off of a career year.  Before Rodgers, there was Favre; a man we all loved to hate, but he would have been our favorite player ever if only he didn't play for that team.

On the other side, the Vikings’ record at drafting QBs is spotty at best.  Fran Tarkenton is a legend and Tommy Kramer, along with Culpepper, was pretty good.  But Tavaris Jackson sucked.  Finally, they got Teddy Bridgewater, only for his leg to practically fall off as he suffered the fluke injury to end all fluke injuries, putting his future in limbo.

In closing, being a Vikings fan is like watching your friend get the hot new toy for Christmas.  It looks awesome and you beg your parents to buy you one…only for yours to wind up being a defective pile of fecal matter that breaks in ten seconds.  Except in this case, no matter how many times your parents get it replaced, it just keeps happening and happening.  It’s like you aren’t allowed to have this one specific toy.

Just like the Vikings seemingly aren’t allowed to have the same kind of success as other teams by copying their model.

Vikings-Packers at Lambeau.  Christmas Eve at noon.  Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst.

(In the improbable event of a Vikings win, potentially taking Green Bay down with them, here is a link that will brag for you!)

Ohhohohohohohohohoho, Delicious!

Week 13: The "I'm done with predicting seasons forever" edition

Amazing how a run of bad luck can completely change one’s outlook on a season.

When this season started, I was so excited that the Vikings got to play on basically every major holiday; they were going to cause Halloween havoc against the Bears, they were going to have roast Lions alongside turkey for Thanksgiving, and best of all, they were going to give their fans a very merry Christmas Eve by potentially taking the Lambeau game for a second straight year.

Did any of that happen, and will any of it happen?  No and probably not.

I’m really starting to think Winter Park was built over some kind of sacred burial ground.  An injury list that would read like a V.I.P. guest list if the Vikings were nationally relevant and a starting quarterback who destroys his knee without even trying in one of the most fluke-ish ways imaginable.  

Every other team in the NFL makes finding a franchise quarterback look easy, except maybe Cleveland.  The Vikings finally get one, and wouldn’t you know it, he may never play again.  Darn the luck.

Chalk up tonight’s Dallas game as one that looked very exciting and even winnable when the season started.  Not anymore.  The Cowboys are a juggernaut this year.  They have found the next Adrian Peterson and Dak Prescott ain’t too shabby, either.  This wouldn’t be that big of a problem if the Vikings were still good.  But they aren’t.  How many more “save our season” games can the Vikings blow before there’s no more season left to save?

The only real hope is that this Vikings team has one more sucker punch left in them.  Indeed, with the way the NFL is, one punch could be all it takes, and we could be looking at an 11-5 team when the end of the season rolls around.

But then I remember this team is cursed.  Maybe it’ll lift when the Vikings move their operations to Eagan.

Week 12: Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy some hot, fresh...Lion? Okay.

Winning…I had almost forgotten what that felt like.

The Vikings finally took care of a team for the first time in over a month on Sunday.  However, in true Vikings fashion, they almost choked the game away.  In fact, the late game had an eerily similar feel to the 2003 game (the Paul Allen “NOOOOOOOO” game, in case you need a reminder).

Only this time, the Vikings closed the deal with defense; something which the 2003 team was awful at doing starting with the seventh game of that season.  Losing a game or two is a natural occurrence during the typical NFL season.  Losing four in a row is a sign of a team that perhaps wasn’t as great as everyone made it out to be.

So indeed, as soon as the Vikings got hyped to Mars and back, they started losing. 

However, the losing streak is now in the past.  Hopefully, the Vikings can replace it with a winning streak and take back the division lead.

The opponent: the Detroit Lions.  Loss #3 on the year and the correct answer to a trivia question; indeed they were the first team to hand the Vikings a loss at shiny new USBank Stadium.  The Lions got into this position simply by winning football games.  The Bears stumbled out of the gate and fell on their faces, and the Packers are surprisingly fading at the moment after a 4-2 start.

Which leaves the Vikings and Lions to fight over the division today.  The first game was ugly, and I’m not sure what to expect out of the second game.  I think Vikings fans are simply relieved that this game means something, as a loss last week may have been the death knell of a strange season.

This is the first time the Vikings have played on Thanksgiving since the less famous Thanksgiving showdown with the Dallas Cowboys in 2000.  The Vikes have played Detroit thrice on Thanksgiving and stand at 2-1; a 27-0 win in 1969, a 23-0 win in 1988 and a 44-38 loss in 1995.

So, how will this one go?

Happy Thanksgiving.  Lion is on the menu this year, and I’m starving for the division lead. Skol!

Week 11: There's still time to fix this...right?

You know, after losing Teddy Bridgewater the way the Vikings did before the season even began, it was foolish to assume this season would come free of drama and anguish.

The same exact story played out again last week; the Vikings blew another game.  Because of this, the Detroit Lions are now in first place in the NFC North via tiebreaker.  Frankly, the only good thing about the past few weeks for Vikings fans is that the Packers are also going through their dumpster fire phase.

The question is, when do the Vikings snap out of it?  The great bounty hunter Spike Spiegel once said "I'm just watching a bad dream I never wake up from."  The past month of Vikings football has felt just like that; a continuous nightmare as the team falls from grace faster than Ken Bone after the internet found out his thoughts on the Trayvon Martin situation.  

The NFC North is now a three team race, but two of those teams look like hot garbage.  There is still hope, though.  If the Vikings can sneak out a pair of wins in the next two games, it would serve as a nice little bandage to stop the bleeding.  

7-4 is still a realistic possibility, and it would put the Vikings back into first place no matter what Detroit does in week 11.  

Aside from hoping for the future, I really have no answers for the last month.  I don't think any of us do.  These next two games are must-wins if this team hopes to make any noise in December. 

If the Vikings can slow David Johnson in any way, there's a chance they take back their momentum with a win. 

Otherwise, the only celebrations on tap for USBank Stadium in 2016 will be had by the 7 high school champions to be crowned when the Prep Bowl concludes next weekend.

Skol Vikings!

Week 10: Make the Vikings Great Again!

Well, the Vikings beat the Redskins in 2014, so today should be a breeze, right?

Uh...

There really isn't a lot to say about the last three weeks.  Oh, there is, but this blog would get a little PG-13 if I really did that.  

Let's just move on from the last three weeks.  The Vikings have a chance to get right against the Redskins.  There is still time this season to make the Vikings great again.  Here's a chance to get things back on track.

This is a must-win for the division chances of the purple.  Detroit has caught up, and there's no telling what they might be able to do over the final 7 weeks.  The Packers are the Packers and will probably get right before the Christmas Eve game, so there's always that to worry about.  Chicago is in the rear view mirror for now, but that can always change.

It's a road game, which was how this whole mess started, on the road against the Eagles.  

Anyway, I'm sick of talking about losing.  Let's talk about how 6-3 would help.

-It would hold off everyone for another week

-It would put everyone's minds at ease after blowing a 5-0 start

-It would possibly help the Vikings extend the division lead if Green Bay loses again.  Titans are not a cakewalk.

Minnesota really has no other choice; they MUST become great again, or face the consequences.  

It's time to get back on track.  #Skol

Week 7-8 reaction: The spookiest Halloween in some time. Are the Vikings on the decline?

As a Vikings fan, I have been conditioned to brace for certain things.  I'm always waiting around for Cinderella's coach (no pun intended) to turn back into a pumpkin.  How fitting, considering I'm writing this on October 31.

Teddy Bridgewater was supposed to have his breakout season to establish himself as at least a solid quarterback in the NFL.  His passes in the preseason were precise, and even his deep ball showed improvement, which was sure to get the loud minority of fans unsatisfied with his play off of his case.

Then, Teddy got hurt in perhaps the most Vikings way possible (yes, an even flukier way than Taylor Heinicke), and suddenly the 2016 season, as well as the entire future of the team was in doubt.  

Vikings fans know better than anybody (except maybe Browns fans) that it is not easy to find a franchise quarterback, no matter how simple everyone else makes it look.  The Packers can go out and get Favre and Rodgers, the Falcons can get Matt Ryan, the Colts can get Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck, and so on and so forth.

Teams like the Vikings have to wade through 20 guys before finally finding someone who might fit the bill. 

It was supposed to be Teddy.  The hope is that he can play again, at some point.

In came Sam Bradford, and through a combination of him and Shaun Hill, the Vikings went 2-0 including a very satisfying win over the Packers after months of their fans boasting about a ruined homecoming in shiny, new UsBank Stadium.

Then, the Vikings beat a Carolina Panthers team fresh off of losing to the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl 50.  Awesome, this might work out after all.  Wins against the Giants in prime time; this time with Odell Beckham in tow (shut down by Xavier “Road’s Closed” Rhodes) and Texans followed.

5-0 into the bye week.  Nothing’s gonna stop us now, copyright 1987 by Jefferson Starship, right?

Something’s gone wrong in the happy-go-lucky world of the Minnesota Vikings.

As Carson Wentz broke out, I looked to the matchup against the Eagles as a potential first loss.  Oh, it happened.  Injuries finally caught up to the Vikings, and Mike Zimmer’s “next man up” philosophy could only go so far before Sam Bradford’s offensive line made Philadelphia look like the 1985 Chicago Bears.

Oh well, we said.  We shrugged it off.  One loss to a team on the rise isn’t the end of the world, right?  After all, the Vikings were in the same position as the Eagles with Teddy two seasons ago, just trying to put some good games together and sell some hope for the future.  Though, Philly might actually make some noise this year.

Well, the future is now.  The Vikings next lined up to play the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field, which is always a struggle.  But hey, the Bears were 1-6, right?  Easy money.  6-1, then on to Detroit for 7-1.  Winnable games.  Winnable games everywhere.

*whack*

I wake up from my unplanned nap and notice that the other shoe has fallen.  As usual, I say to myself.  After covering up several flaws for five weeks, the Vikings have gone 0-2 due to a laundry list of problems.  Unfortunately, there is no “quick fix” for what just happened.  For Halloween, the Vikings broke out the 1984 version of themselves and made the 1-6 Bears look like, you guessed it, the ’85 Bears.  In front of the entire nation.  Happy bleeping Halloween.

Again, through my years of watching Vikings football, I have been conditioned to expect such turns of events.  Mike Zimmer’s reputation as a great coach may have taken a hit tonight.  We can only hope that the play of the team improves from here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this team lays another rotten egg at home against the Lions.  Detroit has just become a scary team. 

If the Ed Thorpe curse is real, it must be ending soon, because the Vikings are really getting punched in the mouth right now.  

Then again, if you had told me that this team would be 5-2 without Teddy, Adrian, or an offensive line worth a dollar, I still think I would have taken that; though I would have swapped out this awful loss to Chicago with a loss to a better team, because that was dishearteningly ugly.

Week 7: A Field Trip to Wentzylvania!

Well, here we go…another game that’s tough to call.

Of course, the Eagles looked a lot more dangerous a couple of weeks ago.

But first, a little recap of the previous game.

The bye week took forever to pass.  Seriously, this past week of football was exciting, yet something was definitely missing. 

The Vikings went into the bye about as perfectly as one could expect; 5-0, first place in the NFC North and a string of 20 quarters without a turnover on offense (seriously, that weird fumble-to-fumble against Green Bay is still the only giveaway the Vikes have this year).  Sam Bradford looks great, though this blogger sincerely believes Teddy would have the team in the same place if healthy. 

The defense, of course, continues to stymie the rest of the league and is a big reason for 5-0 instead of 4-1 or 3-2.  Typically, there has been an element of drama in every Vikings game I have ever personally attended.  Houston provided very little drama as the Vikes rushed out to a 24-0 lead in the second quarter.  It was about as relaxed as I ever felt at a game, which is not a bad thing at all (relaxed minus the constant cheering when things went right, that is).

USBank Stadium is amazing and if you have a chance to attend a game or go there for any other reason (second round state tournament games for high school football and soccer are coming up), do yourself a favor and go.

…So when does the other shoe drop? 

It had to be asked.  This is the tradition of Minnesota Vikings football; to occasionally explode out of the starting blocks only to trip and fall just before the finish line.  I’ll spare us the painful memories, because the networks have a thing for showing Vikings pratfalls when the team is actually good.

Philadelphia took a couple of bad losses in the past two weeks and looks about as threatening as Apollo Creed did against Ivan Drago in Rocky IV.  But, when they are on their game, they are as capable as Mr. Balboa himself.  No one has forgotten their Texas-sized whooping of the Pittsburgh Steelers; the team that some thought could win it all this year.

The Vikings are rested, and they just need to go into Philly and play their game.  Carson Wentz may very well be a star someday, but he’ll have to get past the Zim Reapers first. 

Halloween may come early for Mr. Wentz, for all the wrong reasons.  And I may have to restrain myself from unloading all of my Halloween puns now when the Vikings have a game on the actual day next week.

This one won’t be easy, but I think 6-0 is in sight.  Just…don’t go researching what has happened to 6-0 Vikings teams…the results are frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

Wait, wrong holiday. 

Skol Vikings, and fear the Zim Reapers.